“It’s not about healing the world by making a huge difference, it’s about healing the world that touches you, that’s around you”
Ruta 5
It was pretty much out of a horror movie. We pulled in to this hotel late last night while heading south on Ruta 5. As we parked the car it started to pour as a light switched on and a man came out to greet us. Jeff may have cried himself to sleep but we've finally made it to Pucón. And we’ve named our car Hoopdita.
2014
ginger licorice tea
I’ve been trying to take care of my body more— better sleep, cleaner meals, stretching, moving my body daily, cold finishes in the shower, meditation, slowing down.
This morning I made a ginger licorice tea and put on a Tara Brach meditation. I felt resentful of how hard I have to work to be in the moment. I’m swimming up stream. Why has stimulation become the baseline of my life? “Even if your mind feels lost in the clouds of thought, just come back.” The act of returning is the practice itself, right? But still, why is it so hard to take 18 minutes out of my day to ground myself and keep clear of the noise?
We are living in a system of distractions. Is it possible that all the noise and routine of Western society is humanity’s tool for avoiding our own pain? What is it about stillness that is so scary to us? And how much pain are we creating by leaning into these systems that do not gift us the opportunity to turn inwards?
Still by A.R. Ammons
peace in the mundane
Roles See Roles
for my great grandmother and those before her
Somewhere along the way I learned not to take up space. Maybe it formed in me as a child, or maybe it was passed on to me through my great grandmother, who would sit at her table and quietly observe us. I’ve felt left out of many of the environments that have been created that reward noise. So I am working on creating my own spaces, where noise and existence are not synonymous. I will continue to work in my little corner, for now, and I will continue to help rewrite my (and my family’s) burden of feeling as if we don’t deserve to be heard. I will find solace in my breath, the true and constant reminder that I am meant to be here. In the mean time, you are invited to join me in this space. In fact, you’re already here. Thank you for supporting me in my work.
We're singing the blues
“We’re not “failures” if we don’t feel happy. Sometimes healing and connecting more deeply to the love inside of us is painful. It can bring us in touch with something we have hidden from. It’s this pain that leads us to deeper questions: What is it we’re looking for? What is it we really need?
You know, this is the blues. We’re singing the blues. And there’s a joy, a strength in our yearning. There’s a beauty in our yearning. And tears are not a sign of failure. This is the world of tears. And there are so many different kinds of tears.”
Krisha Dass
on his way
it was all wrong
important things
I taped over the clock
I taped over the clock on my stove. One more tool of obligation. So tired of knowing where I stand. Confused about what I should feel. Ignoring my body. Not being here. So tired. The clock says time is circular. The calendar says it’s linear. The body seems to disagree with both. But I’m so tired.
a silhouetted shelter
The night brings about an undeniable simplicity. Details fade away and we're left as nothing more than shapes and silhouettes. A needed respite from all the judgment in this world.
2017.
the archetype
More than ever I’m noticing the archetypal characters that keep showing up in movies and shows. I think that’s why I’ve been hesitant to write fiction over the past few years. I’m afraid of making my characters one dimensional, which is much less than any human deserves, even if they’re imaginary. I am looking for ways to present and build my characters with the complexity and depth that we’ve seemingly forgotten exist within each other.